Episode #6

This week, I want to talk about stand-up comedy and the quality of today’s joke writing.

As a child, I used to stay up past my bedtime, watching or listening to some of the greatest comedians of all time. Such greats as George Carlin, Bill Cosby, Robin Williams, Robert Klein, Don Rickles, Red Foxx, Eddie Murphy and Richard Pryor, just to name a few. These were my comedy mentors growing up.

I was also very fortunate to be alive during comedy’s golden era in the 80’s. Listening to some very unique acts, which helped to prepare me for writing jokes as well as even attempting to do actual stand-up comedy.

The comedians in the 80’s told their story and how they felt about everything. It was very personal, not to mention entertaining.

Comedy clubs in the 80’s were popping up everywhere. They were even actually paying their comedians a reasonable wage. The clubs also use to take more responsibility for the quality of the comedy, by qualifying and filtering comedians through a process.

Then came stand-up comedy on television and things would be changed forever.

Today, comedy clubs are using a selection process for comedians, that at times seems very questionable. It doesn’t seem to be based on measuring one’s entertainment quality. It seems to be more about favoritism, facebook friends and YouTube hits.

The stand-up comedy scene in Los Angeles is so saturated with wannabe actors chewing up stage time, spewing out ridiculous lines, that have no real connection to anything, especially funny. It’s no longer personal. It’s no longer feeling real.

In the 80’s, it was clean and dirty comedy, and it was real.

Today, I find comedians are talking about things that 90% of the time, never really happened. Not to them at least. Instead, it’s becoming all about the taboo. Comedians seem to be super focused on writing material that talks about Race issues, Porn, Sex, blow jobs and butt fucking. The problem I have with this is, it’s never really that funny. I find it to be pretty hack, and it’s been done by just about everyone, a million times over.

If you were to survey an audience of comedy patrons with a multiple choice questionnaire, and there was only 1 question: What type of comedy do you find the funniest? And, your only choices for answers were: 1. Clean comedy 2. Political comedy 3. Getting to know me comedy and 4. Dick and pussy, sex talk, racial comedy. I really don’t think you’ll be seeing a lot of circles around answer number 4.

Don’t get me wrong, I know that there’s a time and a place for everything. And, I not trying to say that “Blue” material can’t be funny. It’s just that when you have a stand-up comedy lineup of 10+ comedians in a 2 hour show, and back-to-back all you see is mediocre comedy laced with a bulldozing barrage of unfunny sex commentary, it just becomes extremely tiring and played out.

So, my advice is be fucking original. Do the sex jokes, if they actually happened to you, but make the joke have some substance. Nobody wants a play-by-play, we just want it to be funny and not to just you, but rather the entire room. It will help in making comedy more sustainable. It will make stand-up comedy a destination people want to go to. Just like the movies.

Episode #5

This week, I want to speak on the effects of manipulating individuals with misleading and sometimes outright false information. Both parties, Democrats and Republicans, practice manipulation to effectively get what they want.

The Democrats, manipulate their base by presenting information that represent Republicans as tax-cutting, antisocial program having, oil burning, anti-evolutionist, religious fanatics, which at times is hard to deny.

The Republicans, manipulate their base by presenting information that represent Democrats as tree-hugging, electric car driving, global warming, stem-cell researching, agnostic, baby killers, which too at times is hard to deny.

For instance, the republicans love to point out, what they consider facts about their own base. One of my favorites, came out recently, due to the “War on Women” conversation, which by the way, is very fucking real.

Alex Castellanos, a CNN republican analyst, said on Meet the Press this Sunday, that 50% of the republican base are women, while the other half are men. This percentage statement was meant to explain, that due to the fact that their base is 50% women, that it wouldn’t make sense for republicans to have a specific agenda against women. Well, that statistic would be useful, if it weren’t absolutely false. I’ll explain why.

Now, it’s easy to assume that 100% of all republicans participate in a traditional union, between a man and a woman. That’s at least what they would like you to believe, but in reality it’s simply not the case.

Now, this is going to hurt the faces of most republicans, especially those who are unable to respect marriage equality, but there’s approximately 31% of registered republican voters are gay. Which blows my mind, in a hetero kind of way.

Now, if you think to yourself and do a little math, I’m pretty sure you’ll find that the percentage point of 50% women, changes dramatically when you factor in the gay percentage. And, if they had statistics, polling gay men over gay women, I think it’s safe to say that there are more gay men voting republican than there are gay women. I believe this is true, simply due to all the negative agendas facing women and their bodies. I find it extremely difficult for a gay women to vote republican, unless they are a multi millionaire business owner. And, if they vote republican, it’s simply for the money.

Most women in a traditional marriage vote the same as their husbands. This is a classic conditioning that stems from the days when women were not allowed to vote. The moment women were given the right to vote, was the moment men started jumping down their throats, telling them who to vote for. I’ve personally met wives, who vote absentee and let their husbands fill out their ballots. What’s up with that.

Then, there is also, relationships like James Carville and Mary Madeline, both polar opposite political analysts. James a democrat and Mary a republican. Living proof that you can never assume married couples would share the same political positions. Or, maybe they’re just not a part of the norm.

Nonetheless, assuming we can respect these blanket statement from the republicans is just nonsense. 50% of republicans are women, right. Think again.

Now, the democrats make statements all the time, spinning things out of control as well, like that republicans are not interested in climate change or alternative fuel sources or even helping individuals who are suffering. That’s simply not true either. Republicans are not heartless, they just want the help to come from other more private resources and not the Federal government. Or, better yet, they want the help, they just don’t want to pay for helping everyone else.

The problem is, the republican have an extremely hard time explaining their ideas on how to solve the issues in a more private way. Or, even creating private organizations that come even close to covering all the needs of our society.

From the democrats perspective, republicans feels like they love to “Cut and Run.” It’s like the idea of cutting taxes is somehow going to stimulate the economy, which never really makes sense to democrats. Mostly, because of our nation’s history lessons, which has shown us multiple times that cutting taxes and social programs simply doesn’t work. We just need to tax smartly.

Taxes were established to pay for programs that private citizens need, but are unable or unwilling to come together and make things work in a privately controlled way. So, we let agendas, lead us to bills, that then become the fabric of our lives. Like roads, hospitals, police and military.

Do you really know why gas continues to rise in price? It’s because we live in a capitalistic society that lets private businesses set their own price, based on market value and supply and demand. If you believe in capitalism and not socialism, then you can get mad at the rise in gas prices.

If Newt Gingrich had his way, he would have allowed the government to use its power to force oil companies to either set their prices lower, basically to around $2 a gallon was his plan. How would you do that? Set tariff on them, or tax them… What? What could a government really do to an oil company, other than not accept their oil. Regardless, oil prices are going to go up. Period. Forever, so get used to it. We know someone in the world is going to buy it. And, the less we use, the more expensive it will become. So, we’re fucked, unless we get off the teet of oil companies.

Basically, education is the reason for our current problems, especially when it comes to our unemployment situation. As a nation, we have decided to stop paying for public education, which has led to a country of unqualified people. This was due to cutting vital programs. So, once again cutting is not the answer.

Somehow, we need to come together on the issues and start to pay for things we need, in an effort to have the best and healthiest working class of individuals this world has ever seen.

We will get there, when we actually start to care about all mankind.

Episode #4

This week, I want to talk about “FEAR.” The definition, taken from dictionary.com is:

a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid.

We live in a world that loves leveraging fear to control people. Most media outlets use it, because it seems to hold peoples attention long enough, so they can show you more advertisements. Schools use it, to improve performance and attendance. Corporations uses it, to make sure their employees show up to work on schedule, or you’re fired. And… Let us not forget, most religious organizations, because this tax exemption status is just too good to let go. Especially, for the hundreds of crooked people, who have decided to get their “ordained minister” certificate online, all in an effort to establish a legal tax shelter.

I hate “FEAR!” I simply don’t subscribe to it.

Fear comes in all shapes and sizes. Tonight, Conor talked about Ted Nugent. Ted is a radical right winger, who uses aggressive commentary to get attention, which all stems from a lack of confidence. Fear…is at the base of his personal conflicts. I find it sad, that someone, who has had such success in life, could be so unhappy or unwilling to discover a positive solution that works for everyone. The negativity and his behavior simply blows my mind and makes me concerned that he speaks to a base of Americans that would be willing to follow him into the darkness.

The doomsday preppers are another group of fear minded people, that I find simply amazing. Now, don’t get me wrong, I live in earthquake country. I have a “bug-out bag” as the doomsday folks like to call it. I like to refer to it as simply: my “emergency survival backpack.” Not because, I believe the earth is going to swallow everyone but me. But rather, I would like to have a change of clothes, a flashlight, first aid kit and some other survival items, just in case I can’t get back into my fucking apartment. That’s just the Boy Scout in me. I call it smart.

That being said, I have no interest in spending hundreds of thousands, sometimes even millions of dollars, like some of these doomsday preppers. They go to some pretty great lengths to build shelters underground as well as acquiring a shit load of water, canned and dry food as well as flash-frozen meals ready to eat. I have some bad news doomsday preppers, when that day comes…you know, the day you’ve spent your children college money on, you’re not going to make it to your shelter. Basically, you’ve tried too hard. It never works out for the people who try to hard. They are always first to die.

So, put that in your doomsday prepping peace pipe and smoke it.

We’re coming up on a very important Presidential election. My prediction is President Obama will win a second term and guess what? It’s not going to be the end of the world.

I’m not sure why the Right fears another 4 more years of progressive change that benefits the middle class. There are a lot of individuals, who believe in the principles of the Right and who often seem to be in the lower income tax bracket, convinced that the Federal government is taking all of their money. When in reality, it most likely your state, that is “sales taxing” you to death. Is it so hard to try and work toward the middle? Or, do you like collecting government aid and assistance, while blaming the government for everything. Is that just your thing? How’s that working out for you?

Life would look a lot better for all fear mongers, if we learned the importance of constant education. All in an effort to be able to jump into emerging new jobs, where companies leverage changes in technology to get things done. Instead of living in the past, hoping God will bring back the old assembly line jobs, of which an industry thought the job would be better suited for a fucking robot.

People, let shut the blame game down and move onto some more metropolitan thinking, because that will lead us to salvation. Then maybe, just maybe… You’ll be so busy thinking of solutions and being positive and dare we say less racist, that we may just find a cure for your Fear.

Episode #3

This week, I want to talk about…America’s Bill of Rights, more specifically, the 2nd Amendment. It states “A well regulated militia, being necessary to the security of a free state, the right of the people to keep and bear arms, shall not be infringed.”

Or, to put it even simpler, if you’re an American and you do not have a felony, then you can have a gun.

Now, I have a lot of feelings on this subject to say the least, but I have a time limit for this segment. So, I’ll try to make this quick.

The real question I have is, “Does everyone really deserve the right to own and operate a firearm?” I’d say no!

Now, first of all, I have to say, I enjoy guns for sport. As a kid, I used to love going hunting and fishing. It was a lot of fun, and it’s a real skill to be a good marksman.

That being said, not everyone is good at hunting. I got to tell you, there are some pretty piss poor shooters out there. Former Vice President, Dick Cheney frequently comes to mind. Just ask the guy he shot in the face, that one year while Duck hunting.

And, there really isn’t anything worse than the guy that shoots twice at the what he thought was a deer, but turns out is actually a 12 year-old, decaying tree stump. Making absolutely sure, there will be no chance of finding a living thing for the next 10 miles radius.

Unfortunately, guns aren’t just used for hunting.

They’re more commonly used for suicide and other crimes, like strong arm robberies and murder. My favorite use of the gun, is when you use it, when you’re fearing for your life. Because, you’re in the best frame of mind, when you’re scared. I guess, once you’re done pissing on yourself, the next best thing is to pick up your loaded gun and shoot it.

Police Officers, who aren’t perfect, but at least they’re required to practice on a regular basis. I mean, that pretty much all they do. They train and then apply that training to real life scenarios. They put their lives on the line and are equipped with techniques that allow them to defuse situations hopefully without violence.

Gun owners are not required to do anything outside of a few required classes, where you attempt to learn the ethical and legal requirements for owning and operating a firearm as well as safe gun control. Then they leave it to you to learn how to handle the weapon of your choice, which can be anything from a .22 caliber pistol to a .50 caliber Desert Eagle, which is basically a rifle the size of a handgun. It packs a punch to say the least.

To master the gun, you must practice and I mean a lot. At least as much as we practice driving, you know, America’s second best killing device. Think about how much is required just to get behind the wheel.

I think you should be required on a regular basis to prove your sanity, competence and eyesight and that you have the ability to wield a gun with safety and extraordinary accuracy.

And, most importantly, that you have an attitude that is not driven by shoot to kill, but rather shoot after you’ve tried removing yourself from the dangerous situation that had you fearing for your life in the first place.

Episode #2

This week, I want to talk about Stereotyping. A topic that gets brought up a lot, and is one of the focal points of the recent Trayvon Martin shooting case. My question is, could you ever imagine a world without stereotyping?

Stereotyping is essentially the same as judging, which as a comedian, I find very interesting. Stereotyping is used a lot in comedy. I mean, could you imagine Jeff Foxworthy’s act without “You might be a redneck,” or Larry the Cable Guy without “Git Er Done?” Careers have been built on making individuals recognize what already exists and then making them laugh about it.

Today, it’s almost required for all comedians to point out all of the stereotypes. You will never see a stereotype free comedy show, because it’s impossible. I might be stepping into something, but if you go see an all ethnic comedy show, which most comedy clubs are doing these days, in an effort to appeal to crowds that enjoy segregation. You’ll see several comedians and all of them will be doing humor wrapped with stereotypes.

I must say, and this is going to sound bad, but I kind of love how offended people get when stereotypes are used against them. I get a little chuckle. Because, they’ll laugh all day when it’s about someone else, but the moment you turn it around on them, it’s on!

People always say, “stereotypes exist for a reason.” Well, what’s the reason?

To understand the reason, you must understand the types. There are 2 very opposite types of stereotyping. There is positive and there is negative. Positive stereotyping is definitely not as common as negative stereotyping, because there’s no comedy connection. It’s simply never gets old, pointing out that older drivers can’t see over the steering wheel, and that’s why they drive so poorly. When in reality, they drive so poorly, because they are most likely heavily medicated.

Stereotyping is a very necessary thing. Without it, we would have no style. We would have no way to describing things. We couldn’t describe what Goth is, or Punk, or Emo, or whatever the fuck the kids are doing this year.

Basically, If you’re a part of a group that gets negatively stereotyped, then I say you make it your responsibility to get your group in line, or you can just accept the stereotype and roll with it.

People say, you shouldn’t judge individuals, especially if they are wearing hoodies. That’s good, cuz I don’t. I make it easy, I just judge everyone regardless. Especially at night, because I live in a dangerous neighborhood.

Episode #1

This week, the Supreme Court has been evaluating President Obama’s health care plan, arguing whether the bill is constitutional or not. This has been a continued argument from the republicans, and is the front and center focal point of the party, in their constant efforts to bring us back into the stone age.

The Right, who has been in “constant attack mode” on Obama’s health care plan, dubbing it ObamaCare, believes the bill is unconstitutional, due to its mandates, which requires all Americans to purchase health insurance by 2014.

Is it unconstitutional to require Americans to purchase health care?

That’s a very good question. I have a specific point of view on this issue and it falls into the category of “Fuck the constitution, health care coverage for all Americans just making freakin’ sense!”

Americans have been forced to pay for things they didn’t want to for years.

Personally, I was never asked If I wanted to pay into Social Security. What a piece of failing shit that is. Granted, it has worked for older folks for years, but the continued conversation is that it will not be there for me, when I need it. So, I guess you’re welcome formally 55 year-olds, now 65 year-olds.

Social Security was dropped on every Americans lap. It’s a product of the American existence. You see, I was born in the 70’s, long after the United States created the (OASDI), the federal Old-Age, Survivors, and Disability Insurance program, which was passed in 1935.

If only I was born 41 year prior to my actual birth. Then, I might have been given an opportunity to argue against Social Security or better yet, argue for the option to opt out of the program and keep my money for myself.

By the way, The “Keeping my own money” concept is probably the most consistent thing I have in common with Republicans. I love the age-old idea, that you know best on how to handle your own finances.

Only problem with that concept is, and I might be stepping into something now, but by the looks of our society and its standards and practices, it appears that we have more poor individuals who need assistance, than we do with rich ones.

Rich just feels soooo exclusive. Not to mention, for most Americans, rich is by far the most elusive creature on the planet. They say, rich is a by-product of working hard. That’s bullshit, because I know a bunch of hard workers and they are far from rich.

Rich comes from establishing influential relationships with other wealthy individuals. Rich also comes from being a great manager, who constantly focuses on growth, while maintaining low payroll margins as well as understanding complex loopholes in the tax laws.

Is it unconstitutional to require Americans to purchase health care?

The conservative voice continues to speak out about less government as well as being left alone to make their own choices, which may or may not include considering one’s health. The problem is that Americans lack the focus on the importance of health and education as a nation. The proof that our country is less educated or less informed is in response to basic issues that affect the average American.

You simply cannot appreciate social programs like Medicare and hate other more modern programs like Obama’s health care plan. It just doesn’t make sense. First of all, most Americans that take issue with the Obama plan, have only reached this conclusion by watching Fox News or listening to Rush The Fat Face Limbaugh. The majority of Americans would rather be big fat babies than take time to have real unbiased thoughts, which comes from thinking about things from both perspectives, pro and con.

That just takes too much intelligence for the majority. Why? Because individuals have a hard time personally challenging themselves and taking personal risks.

I’m reminded of the commonality of politics and religion, they both love relying on individuals to interpret an ancient document. In the hopes of trying to explain why it fits into our modern world.

Is it unconstitutional to require Americans to purchase health care?

What is the Constitution? It’s a document we continue to review and make changes to, in an effort to make laws that govern our society. We don’t like to change it often, but it has been done. About 17 times for a total of 27 amendments.

We are in this place in our society, because we lack, full-on respect for one another. We’re not Americans, because we love America. We are Americans, because of the entitlements and mandates that have protected Americans and the country we call, “The United States of America.”

Get over yourself and get ready to make the check out to the government for your health care.

Now, I need to clean my shoes, because I think I just stepped in it!

New Show On-Base

On Thursday, December 8th, 2011, I and my 2 fellow comedian friends, TK and Justin Rupple had the esteem pleasure of performing in front of a crowd of military personnel at the Vandenberg Airforce Base in Lompoc, California. We had a great time and in the process, hopefully have created an opportunity to perform there on a quarterly basis. We have already pinned down a date for March 2nd, 2012, what we are referring to as the St. Patty’s Day show. I created a Facebook fan page for all future events. Stay tuned for more.

We our looking to have some brand new stuff to look at in early 2012. Wait for it!